Sunday, April 10, 2005

Uncontrollable Laughter

I guess the climax why I finally decided to write all this crazy shit down was because last night I was fucking my new boyfriend and as we were getting into the moment really intensely, erotic and passionate, the boy started to laugh uncontrollably. Now I mean LAUGH SO HARD HE WAS CRYING AND HE COULDNT BREATH CUZ HE WAS LAUGHING SO HARD. It was EXTREMELY BIZZARE, I *never* seen him like that and I never gave him any reason to laugh because we were having really hot sex at that moment. Something just came over him and he started to laugh so hard his whole face turned red and kind of contorted a little bit to where I didnt recognize him for a moment almost as if he wasn't there. It freaked me out so much I didnt understand why he was laughing so I asked him. While his uncontrollable laughter kinda bounced on me a little bit for shits and giggles I responded with light laughter but again, I didnt know why he was laughing... then he said "I trust you...", he tried to repeat that he trusted me but within context of what he was saying was extremely bizzare...... about 20 minutes before we were talking about practicing safe sex and how we only been bfs for a few weeks, that we were gonna get tested at the free clinic next week. However, we are in the moment, feeling extremely horny for each other, and feeling so good, and that fucking condom was getting in the way. We both wanted to feel skin to skin pleasure... so we agreed that we were both honest, and that we were both 100% HIV NEGATIVE AND STD FREE. Which, for me, I dont have any stds and he said he doesnt either. However....... I did lie to him about being honest. In general, I am somewhat of an honest person, except when it comes to money and sex. I will cheat someone if I know I can get away with it and not hurt them so bad, almost like robin hood. But I am soooo horny for dudes!! I LOVE the male body and I know that this boyfriend of mine is cute in the face but honestly his body is not that much of a turn on, unless he worked out, then he would be hot.

So back to the laughter... why was he laughing so histerically about trying to say the sentence "I trust you, you are honest right?" My reply after he finally spit it out, was "Yeah, I would not lie to you, I am honest.", this was already after I penetrated his goodness au natural. SO why was the fucker laughing about that? It doesn't make sense...... I asked him after his laughter died down and I consistantly gave him a serious look because I was so fucking confused at his laughter it was so uncontrollable it scared the shit out of me. It was like he was possesed or something. Then he told me he doesn't know why he was laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That made it all the more WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!! HE COULDN"T TELL ME FOR THE LIFE OF HIM WHY ON EARTH HE STARTED LAUGHING. HE FORGOT HOW HARD HE WAS LAUGHING!!! IT WAS ALMOST AS IF HE WOKE UP FROM A DREAM AND COULD REMEMBER PARTS OF THE DREAM BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING. AS IF HE JUST WOKE UP!!! HE LOOKED AROUND AND WAS WONDERING WHY HE WAS LAUGHING AND HE COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT!!!! He eventually said "THAT WAS WERID!!!". I told him before Weird Things Happen When You're High before we smoked out together!!! He knew that WTHWYH when you're in a room alone and no one is around you. Its like clock-work.... between the time slot of 1hr and 1.5hrs something weird ALWAYS happen when I smoke. IT may take up to 2 hours but NEVER more than 2 hours. I cannot explain why my boyfriend was laughing and he couldnt explain it either... at the time..............But eventually I realized why he was laughing!!! My dead grandmother knows I am a liar and that I have and will cheat on him. I think she possessed him for a minute because he said something really WEIRD before he started laughing, he said "Do I trust you? (uncontrollable laughter for 2 minutes) I trust (uncontrollable laughter for 1 minutes) you, you are honest (uncontrollable laughter for 3 minutes) right? (uncontrollable laughter for 1 minutes)".

So grandma, yes, I am a liar, and yes, the possibility of me cheating on him is pretty great. But I would NEVER do anything that knowingly would get myself or him hurt by any means. Howver, I like him, but I'm not really in love with him for some reason. He has a BEAUTIFUL FACE and humorous personality, but that's about it. I need more than that for love. I need aventure, not passiveness. Well, that moment, and the fact that he couldn't remember why he was laughing, or even the cause of why he was laughing, now that's truely bizzare. I give that moment a 10 out of 10.

I hope I can label these posts as present or past so that I can make the distinction of what happens previously or when I am in the moment. I have so much things to do, I sincerely hope I have enough time for this blog. I feel a lot better writing this out already.

WTHWYH History Begins

So Last night I realized that my life is so weird I cannot count on my own memory to keep track of all these moments... when I'm HIGH! I always wanted to write a book, about myself of course. What a great way to keep track of all my high moments than to create a blog. Damnit, there are SO many moments in the past that are just not captured so I'm going to start to keep track of them all in this here blog. I hope one day I will enjoy reading this and maybe even make a movie about all these STUPID moments... that WEIRD me out.....SERIOUSLY! I think I'm going crazy here!! I have to write it down for my own sanity sake just to make sure that I'm still here. I pinched myself the other day and it hurt but sometimes when I'm high, actcually like clockwork... weird shit happens...

Oh, by the way, don't read this blog if you take offense to any of the following: spirituality, obcenity, homosexuality, racisim, lust, violence, sex, attitude, cockiness, boring topics & dead people.

That said, let me tell you how I came about this "Weird Things Happen When You're High" idea. Well, since I moved into my new place in West Hollywood, Los Angeles California, I thought something was weird. I found the place (a room within a bummy house in a GREAT neighborhood in West Hollywood, close to Beverly Hills) very spritual, kinda in a good way tho. I been here for 11 months now and during this time I felt like phsyic events seem to occur to me more and more since I am here. Maybe it's all in my head, but seriously, I AM A SENSITIVE PERSON AND KNOW THESE EVENTS CANNOT BE NATURAL. I am not sure what's happening to me, but I know ever since I am in this house, and since I became a big stoner (not TOOOO BIG) but smoking every other day or so. I just don't think I am normal anymore. My life seems to be so very adventurous and boring and interesting and boring and exciting and WEIRD at the same time. MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!!?

While none of this may make sense to you now, I will over time record all my events and my moments to this digital diary and let you make the judge for yourself. Is these moments by chance or by fate? Is someone out there, possibly my dead grandmother on my mother side, is she behind all this mayhem? Is she mad at me for smoking pot because she died of lung cancer and she's trying to warn me from "the other side"?? Hence, my belief in the other side.

My grandmother was a very meaningful person to me and she is the only funeral I remember going to - ever! I remember all the people who loved her and I really loved her a lot myself. I think her bond with mine will be eternal and for some reason I think she is watching over me like a guardian angel. But, she really can get into my business!!! Not all she does, and I do think she could be responsible for some of these weird moments. And by the way, I have no control over my eyes when I get to talking about these weird moments because it scares me. It really does scare me, I try not to believe that these moments are happening because of some weird cosmic shit going on up above but then again when I realize how unnatural these events are, it makes me wonder the truely deniable. I cannot keep it bottled up any longer and so I must spill the beans... again, for my own sanity.

I am probably, and I know I am, going to talk about RANDOM subjects and I'll probably not leave messages with much clarity because I have to fight my fear of putting this out into the open because I am scared to talk about it. I am scared that what I am going through is so taboo that it makes me look stupid or dare I say... weird! But I know these things are weird and I have come to accept it now because I cannot stop it from happening no matter how hard I try or how much I sit and cry about how much it bothers me when it does occur. It's like a dream sometime that's not real. I cannot explain it, I must simply laugh, wonder, cry, dream, be grateful and record these moments.

Oh, by the way... these weird moments may be 90% of what I write but I'm going to just write about my life and one day I may say wow, that was me? I am 26 as of 2 days ago. I know this shit has been happening for the last 2 years now with this year being the most intense year ever. I am scared about the future. What does it all mean? For now, that is my plite, I shall record these moments and I will rate them too on a scale of intensity of 1 being the least intense to 10 being extremely overwhelming that the situation makes me cry. When I have these moments it's like I start crying, my eyes water up intensely and my body feels like I am just about to go over the apex of a rollercoaster. It's like I'm about to walk into a haunted house. That gut feeling of anxiety. Intense sadness or greif. I cannot control it, I even get it when I'm remembering the situation that was werid, you can count on me feeling that feeling right now. But when it's over, only during the weird moment, after the sadness pases (because I'm in shock) and I realize it's a weird moment and I feel relieved actually. I feel like ah-ha! I got you! I recognized that this moment was a weird moment and now I know. It's almost like communication, as if I am being taught a lesson or being transfered an emotion or some reasoning. When I understand what's being communicated, I feel happy, I feel intensely good. Its like I'm feeling a glow of relief for some reason. It's really fucking bizzare!

I will warn you. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness till I was 18, and I am disfellowshipped for being gay. If you're reading this and you're a witness, you probably should not continue as my words may be against your beliefs. I know because they are hard for me to accept myself and I know about being a witness and the things that they teach would be against what I am about to say....

That said... I believe that there is another plane of existance that only people with physic ability can reach and I have some physic ability that is some how being expressed on its own, without my control. As a kid, I always had premonitions, some more intense than other. I know that I can see the future but I haven't figured out how to control it. Why? Cuz I want to win the lottery of course!!! Selfish, duh! But anyhow, I am pretty sure that I am a special person and that one day I'll figure out the meaning to all of this. But for now, I will write it all down when the moment hits me, and hopefully I can remember some past moments that were really fucking weird.